At the end of 2011, I was keeping a secret.

I’d been running my consulting firm for 8 years, and business had never been better. I should have been ecstatic, but I wasn’t.

My secret was that I was miserable. My work/life balance was a joke and it wasn’t getting any better.

The problem wasn’t related to the work itself. I love the work, love my clients, love my colleagues.

The problem was that I had become so engrossed in the work that I was neglecting the rest of my life.

I had become a workaholic.

Hard Worker vs. Workaholic

There is a crucial difference between being a hard worker and being a workaholic.

The distinction comes down to boundaries. You can love your work without being a workaholic. You can be dedicated, driven, and successful without it being a problem.

The problem arises when you start to neglect the other important things in your life.

How To Tell The Difference

Some common areas that workaholics neglect are:

• relationships
• sleep
• healthy diet
• exercise
• hobbies and outside interests
• vacations and downtime

Hard workers don’t neglect these things. Hard workers embrace these as priorities.

By the end of 2011, I was neglecting ALL of them.

If you feel like you don’t have time for the things that make you truly happy, you need to examine your priorities and make a change. It’s as simple as that.

Everybody Loses

In a lot of industries, there’s a huge pressure to put your work before anything else. A few that come to mind are: startup companies, consulting firms, finance, advertising, high tech, and construction. I’m sure you could add to that list.

If you work in one those industries, you might feel like the pressure to outperform is inescapable. Doing “enough” isn’t enough. You’re expected to be a rock-star, a hero. You’re expected to “take one for the team” and meet impossible demands.

Sound familiar?

Here’s a nasty little secret that I had to learn the hard way:

When you push too hard, no one gets you at your best.

It might be counter-intuitive, but it’s absolutely true.

If you’re putting work before your health, you’re going to start getting sick.

If you neglect your relationships, they’ll grow weaker.

If you don’t sleep or eat well, your cognitive functioning will start to slip.

It might not happen right away, but it will happen.

Being a workaholic isn’t sustainable.

Everything in your life is connected.  Ironically, even your work will begin to suffer.

Take Back Your Life

The good news is that being a workaholic is optional. You can take your life back if you want to.

If you’re a workaholic, you need to commit to making some changes. Your path might be different from mine, but I’ll share what helped me.

Start Setting Limits

I started the Stop Working Late experiment on January 1st. There are two key parts to the experiment:

1. Stop working past 5:00 pm
2. Start doing the things I love doing again

Whenever I want to stop doing something, it’s helpful to also focus on starting something else. It’s all about balance, right? If you try to stop doing something, but don’t “fill the void”, it’s easy to slip back into those bad habits.

That’s a big part of the Monthly Experiments philosophy. Rather than trying to simply quit bad habits, we focus on creating better habits.

Reward Yourself

I wrote about this in my Week 1 progress report. Compared to my old habit of working until 9 or 10 at night, it felt really great when I quit working at 5:00. I knew that the feeling of pride would be stronger if I gave myself an extra reward.

In psychology, this would be called “positive reinforcement” or operant conditioning. It works for people, and it works for dog training. You can train a dog to sit/stay/come with praise alone, but sometimes a little kibble makes things easier. 🙂

It might it sound silly, but my reward was to go out to dinner with my wife. The first week, we tried a new restaurant every night. It was the most fun I’d had in a long time. I felt like a normal person again, instead of the worker-drone I had become.  By the second week, my urge to work late was gone.

Fill The Void

This is similar to a reward, but is more about long-term lifestyle changes. Find something meaningful and schedule it. It could be coaching your kid’s soccer team, leaning a new language, or taking up hiking. Whatever gets you excited. Make it a part of your life and stick with it!

I’m filling the void by running again, writing this blog, and spending quality time with my family.

It’s All About Quality

My quality of life is the highest it’s been in years.

Somewhat surprisingly, the quality of my work is also much higher lately. I’m spending fewer hours in the office each day, but I feel sharper, more thoughtful, and less stressed. It’s added up to less income, but better results for my clients. I can live with that. 🙂

How About You?

I wrote this post because I know how miserable it is to be (or live with) a workaholic. If you aren’t satisfied with your work/life balance, I hope you’re inspired to make a change. These are the tools and tips that worked for me, maybe they’ll work for you, or maybe you have some ideas that will work better.

I know there are a lot of smart people reading this.

I want to know, what works for you?

How do you find and keep balance?

Share your tips in the comments.

 

photo by Peter Kaminski